Well, today's been a strange day....

Well, a little thought has been nagging at the back of mind for ages now, that thought is really a question and that question is: Am I too dependent on my friends? Well, to be honest with you, I probably am, which is a good and bad thing. Good things first (I always like to look on the bright side) you always have someone to talk to and you're always there for each other. Bad things now (gulp) It stops you from developing into your own person because you're worried about what your friend will think. You see, there's this boy I like but I'm to scared to talk to him in case my friend either a) gets mad at me b) sneers or laughs at me. Also, there's always constant competition because if you start a new hobbie your friend takes it up to because your so similar you're interested in the same things. So, if one person excels in it leaves the other person (me, normally) feeling worthless and dumb. I mean, it must be great if your the person who's the best at it and rocks at everything, but it kinda sucks if your worse at it. For a long time I stopped drawing because I was glum about the fact that my friend was a gillizian times better than me at it, thus I lost out on a few years of vital drawing learning.
Anyway, today my friend and I seemed to break friends-she kinda ignored me at lunch and I was sitting on my own outside and she sat quite a bit away from me. I got fed up so I stood up and walked away to do my own thing- a first for me which is a bad thing because it shows how dependant I am on her. So, I went to the theatre and library and had fun, but when I went back to form whilst I was waiting to go in I hung out with other people- shock horror. Everyone leapt upon me and asked why I was ignoring my friend and leaving her out- huh? She was the one who had been doing that to me- when I was just being myself without being under the pressure of a close friendship. You know what? Being on my own and doing what I want to do independently was kinda liberating, and, well, fun.
I suppose you just need to get away from things from time to time and be yourself. Because, if you leave it to late to be your own person, if you suddenly start, people will leap on you and jump to assumptions, which is really quite irritating.
Well, that's my two cents!


~Katkin