Glum

I should be happy because the exams are over, but that bout of happiness was short lived. I'm feeling depressed because I wanted to do some baking with my mum (millionare shortbread) but she got narked at me and told me that she didn't friggin want to bake with me. So I attempted to make it without her. The shortbread went crumblely and I left it in the oven for to long so it burnt. Mum came down at the burning smell, sighed and raised an eyebrow saying that I might as well finish off what i had started. So I made the caramel. Oh God..... It began to boil and I had a mini panic attack because it bubbled and frothed, burning my hands badly. Mum didn't paticully care, she sort of inclined with her body language that it was my fault. The caramel ended up being too runny with burnt bits in. I added too much butter to the chocolate so it ended up like nutella. I'm such an idiot. The baking session which I intened to be a fun activitey to do with my mum was a utter dissater and shes exasperated with me. Its complete roll reversal, because aren't the parents ment to be the ones who organise family activites? I'm 12 for God's sake, I should be the one getting looked after and included in family activies- not the one organising them! I'm coming to my wills end; soon I will stop doing stuff like this and stay in my room doing my own things. Why should I be the one trying to hold my family together? I'm going to let go and let my parents sort out the stuff.
I don't think my dad knows me. I'm not even sure if he loves me. He never wants to spend time with me or talk. He always snaps and says that what I do 'isn't good enough.' If I ignore him when he snaps, he says I'm sulking, if I reply in a civil manner he shouts 'don't take that tone of voice with me young lady!' Its a loose-loose situation. He needs to learn that although he's my father, he's not my master. I am not his slave, he can't bend me to do his will. The other day he tried to stop me from going to the park. I wish he would just bugger off!

~Katkin